but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
