I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
