I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
