Jerry, you need to find god
two words: eviction party
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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