from now on my penis is your penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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