I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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