He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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