I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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