loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
