I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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