Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
