i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
