i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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