Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
