i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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