fuck your aforementioned shoe
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize