Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
