listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
