I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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