Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
