Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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