He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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