Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you just see the Batmobile???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
