He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
