Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
