And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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