So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
