A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
