Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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