Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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