Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
