i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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