ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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