why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
