my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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