Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
