I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
