your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
