your parents love me but you hate me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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