So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
