where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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