this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We have started to decorate penises.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
