I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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