i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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