But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
