escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
