Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
