how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
