It's Friday. Sex?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
