ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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