How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
