we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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