In the future we'll all be gay
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
