My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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