I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
