I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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