I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
