Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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