did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
