Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
