yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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