3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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