I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
