On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
