i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
