I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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