she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Actions speak louder than pants.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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