weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
