he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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