This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
BRING THE BAGELS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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