She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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