shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
time to smoke my breakfast
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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