It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
