my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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