Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
