a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We don't watch enough power rangers
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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