Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize