"it" just moved
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
