Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
