Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
